Faith

I was recently asked by someone very close to me to give an example of how a desire of mine came to fruition when initially I could not see any way my desire could be manifested.

I'm not a religious person in the common definition of religious, at least not any more. I pretty much define myself as a deeply spiritual person. I have great faith, and it has been tested, and tested.........and tested beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I've seen the miracles that result from great faith time and time again in my own life.

After Meagan had been in the hospital for 6 months it was time for her to be released. I was given two options. I was told she could not live independently and I should put her in a nursing home, or I could take her home and a home health aid could take care of her, a stranger. The state would pay for part of it and I would pay for the rest. I didn't like either option so I created a third choice. I found a loophole in the system that would allow me to take care of Meagan and get paid to do so, even though I was related to her, but first I needed somewhere to live. There was no choice in my eyes. I was going to take care of her, I just didn't know how yet.

There were many roadblocks. I knew what I wanted, but didn't see any way for it to happen. I was jobless, homeless, car-less, penniless, and had literally no income. How was I going to get a home with no job and no money. If I couldn't get a home then I couldn't get the job to take care of her. If I could figure out a way to get a home, then how was I going to get her to rehab, doctor appointments, go grocery shopping and was I going to make enough money to take care of us both.

The list of hurdles was overwhelming to me. I didn't see anyway to make it happen. I couldn't bear the thought of sending my 19 year old daughter to go live in a brain injury long term care facility that was 2 1/2 hours away for the rest of her life. I wanted her to have a chance, I'd lost two children, I didn't want to write off another child....it would have been a third loss and I wasn't ready to go there, to give up on her, to give up on all of it, yet I had no idea how I was going to do it. I just believed, I had faith.

I told them to prepare Meagan to leave and I had two weeks to figure it all out. Going down Rock Road one day in a borrowed car on my way to see Meagan, I saw some apartments. I got an overwhelming feeling to stop. I stopped. I had no idea what I was going to do, or ask or anything....I just knew I should stop. I happen to catch the manager just before she was going to lunch. She seemed stern and very professional, almost cold as she approached me. I suddenly wanted to turn around and walk away, but I couldn't. My feet felt planted like they were encased in cement. She stopped uncomfortably close to me, put her hand on my shoulder and asked me what she could do for me in the sweetest, kindest voice that was the exact opposite of her appearance. I started crying. Something about her voice, her hand on my shoulder, the feeling of being in this place and not really knowing why I was there at that moment so unplanned and unprepared - broke my emotional dam.

She took my hand and led me to a chair, sat me down and pulled up a chair next to me. Her face was soft as she handed me a tissue to wipe my tears and blow my nose. She smiled and asked if there was anything she could do to help me. I remember looking down at my feet while the story of the last few months came out of my mouth like verbal diarrhea.

I kept staring at my feet for what seemed like forever, a little afraid to look up. I heard a noise. She was crying. It was my turn to hand her a tissue. After a few moments she regained her composure, stood up and walked behind her desk. She said, "Let's see what I can do to help you get a home".

She was my miracle that day. She bypassed all the standard requirements and gave me an apartment, gave my family a chance. With the financial help of close family and even distant family that barely knew me, I was able to move in and bring Meagan home. Two weeks prior, I could not see a way, but a way was made.

A few years later, Meagan was ready to move out. My job as her personal care provider was at an end. I needed to find another job. For almost 4 years while I had taken care of Meagan I had riden my bike everywhere. I did my grocery shopping by loading up my bike panniers and managed to go everywhere I needed to on my bike. When Meagan had to go to the doctors, rehab or anywhere else, we used a van service provided through medicaid and I was able to ride along. I'd manage to survive without a car, but how was I going to get a job and get to work without a car. I didn't know, but I kept going.

Eventually I got an interview with a Great Plains Industries. I got a ride to and from the interview from the maintenance man at the apartments. I got a second interview and took a cab there and walked home because I couldn't afford to take the cab home. I got the job.

Now I was faced with the issue of getting to and from work. The first couple of days I talked a neighbor into taking me to work and I asked for a ride home from one of my coworkers. The third day at work, I asked around and found out that there was a shower in the lab. I talked the lab manager into letting me have a key to the lab and using the shower at work after riding my bike there. So that's what I did. Everyday for months and months I rode my bike to work with all my cloths and essentials in my backpack, unlocked the lab, took a shower, stored my bike in the lab and at the end of the day, changed and rode my bike back home. I told myself and everyone else I was doing it for the exercise, which in a way, it was.

One day a buyer I worked with, Chris Carillo, offered to give me rides to and from work and only asked that I help pay for gas. I jumped at it. Later on another coworker, Lynn Charlier, gave Chris a break and took over giving me rides. Lynn's hours changed and she couldn't give me rides any longer, so another kind soul and coworker, James Mabry, stepped up to help me with rides.

James picked me up one morning and told me he was getting married, "Oh and by the way, I told her about you and what you've been through and she offered to give you one of her vehicles". I think my heart stopped for a moment when he told me that. I had not had a vehicle for years! James fiance had no idea who I was. I was a stranger to her, yet she was willing to give me a car. I was beside myself with joy. A few weeks later, after more help from Lynn Charlier for some financial matters concerning the vehicle and licensing etc, I was given a van by Julia Mabry. The only thing Julia asked me to do was to "Pay it Forward".

It's amazing to me the things I've experienced. The hardships, the blessings, the people that have been put in my path, the miracles, the growth, the pain, the joy. I've learned to live in the moment, to live in a state of gratitude and acknowledge the abundance in life - all are gifts. I have tremendously hard days, days where my faith is tried, days I question myself and my purpose but they are fewer and far between now. My family is everything to me. My children, grandchildren, sisters and brothers, parents, aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces and daughter in law are all my oxygen. With the help of family, friends and strangers that bless me, even though I can't see the "whole staircase", I will keep trying to step forward in faith.

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."

- Dr Martin Luther King Jr