My sister Becky came by the other day and sat with me at my dining room table chatting about the minutia of daily life. It began as a superfluous conversation but quickly moved into a deeply personal topic. Me. She called me a resilient spirit and said the most wonderful, uplifting and deeply moving words to me that day at my table.
I'm usually uncomfortable talking about myself in any deep way to most people, but Becky is not most people. I trust my sister with every fiber of my being. I feel free and comfortable with her in a way I am not with any other human. I feel this way because she has earned my trust. She has kept my deepest thoughts and confessions confidential. She listens without judgement. She has never attempted to teach me through shame or manipulation but with soft words and understanding. She offers help without demanding that I take it and does the same with her advice. She is firm in her beliefs while allowing me to voice mine freely. When I have dark days, she is supportive, loving and never shames me for being human and having human moments in my human life. She's helped me to understand who I am, accept myself and love myself. She has done this through her total and unconditional acceptance of me...all of me....the good, the bad and the ugly. She's managed to teach me late in my life what I never learned growing up; what it means to love unconditionally.
It's not an easy feat to love unconditionally. It's a rare virtue. It takes the ability to forgive. Not just sometimes, but always. It takes a tremendous ability to put yourself in anothers place, to see through their eyes, and if possible, feel what the other feels, as Becky does so well. It sometimes takes long suffering, although as she has taught me, this doesn't mean accepting disrespect, as well as never disrespecting oneself, or others. It takes the willingness to teach if necessary, and to be taught-because none of us knows everything and we can all learn something from everyone. These are but a few of her attributes, a few of her gifts that she shares with me and others. I am blessed to have her as a sister. I hope someday I can repay her for helping to repair my broken heart and spirit, especially these last few years.
Becky, I want you to know it's amazing how you always seem to know what I need and when I need it. There were times when my resiliency was lost and I was breaking... you were there to remind me who I was and what I was capable of doing in this life, having unfailing faith in me. Thank you for always being there for me and knowing my heart and spirit so well. Thank you for your kind, supportive and loving words that help me to keep moving forward. You are my mother, sister, friend and confidant. Thank you for being my guardian angel here on earth. I don't know what I would have done without you in my life, I'm thankful I've not had to find out. Thank you for being you and for loving me so well. You help me believe in myself and help me believe that I am worthy of being loved by others. You have blessed me and continue to bless me in every way a human being is capable. I love you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I love you..............unconditionally.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Happy Birthday Bret H Spackman
Yesterday was my son's birthday, Bret. He passed October 27th, 1984. I think of him nearly everyday and miss him terribly. Special thoughts and love you always son.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Found Christa!
I had a wonderful best friend in high school that I lost contact with for many years now. We've both lived in Kansas, and I ran into her once in JC Penny's in Towne East many years ago, but never connected after that. I've thought about her so often. She was so fun and funny; beautiful with her long legs, gorgeous skin and smile. I've missed her.I just started twittering and facebook and found her through facebook. I'm so excited to have found her again. I remember her as being so full of life and almost fearless and so beautiful. She sent me a note today and everything I remembered about her is still there. Even in her short note it came through. Fighting breast cancer with an indominable spirit and still generous with her compliments. I've missed my dear high school friend. I'm so glad I found her again. I'm looking forward to getting to know her after all these years.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Dadism.....
Sitting with dad today eating this great ice cream cake Sariah picked up from Dairy Queen and having a "how many calories are there in this thing anyway" type of discussion. Then dad pops off with one of his "dadisms". He has many, but this was new and felt I needed to add it while it was fresh in my mind.
DAD:
"Well, yunno, once you cut the cake and lay it on the plate..... the air gets to it, releasing all the calories into the air....basically calorie evaporation....."
Works for me.
Happy Fathers Day Father. I love you.
DAD:
"Well, yunno, once you cut the cake and lay it on the plate..... the air gets to it, releasing all the calories into the air....basically calorie evaporation....."
Works for me.
Happy Fathers Day Father. I love you.
Fathers Day
Happy Fathers Day to James Wayne. I love you dad. I love your kindness, and humor, your sensitivity and strong powers of empathy. I love your bear hugs, your huge grin and your ability to always make me laugh no matter what is going on. You've had a hard life with so many struggles....but you have managed to stay loving and kind. Not an easy feat. I'm on my way to Becky's to see you and give you a massage, although I suspect you may not let me, but I'll get one in somehow! I love you dad, thanks for being my father.
To My son Chris. Hmmm....I love you so much I don't think I can find the words to tell you. You are always respectful to me, always loving even when your angry with me...which doesn't happen often. I love your humor and I've been so impressed with how well you've matured without a man in your life, without a father, to be an example. Your ability to love unconditionally is amazing to me. Not many people can do that....you are rare. It's a wonderful gift you give to those you love. I'm blessed to have you in my life, I'm blessed to have you as a son, and Addison is blessed to have you as a father. I love you!
To My son Chris. Hmmm....I love you so much I don't think I can find the words to tell you. You are always respectful to me, always loving even when your angry with me...which doesn't happen often. I love your humor and I've been so impressed with how well you've matured without a man in your life, without a father, to be an example. Your ability to love unconditionally is amazing to me. Not many people can do that....you are rare. It's a wonderful gift you give to those you love. I'm blessed to have you in my life, I'm blessed to have you as a son, and Addison is blessed to have you as a father. I love you!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Fav Quote
This quote is from the movie "Chocolat"......
Père Henri:
I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to speak of the miracle of Our Lord's divine transformation? Not really, no. I don't want to talk about His divinity.
I'd rather talk about His humanity. I mean, you know, how He lived His life, here on Earth. His *kindness*, His *tolerance*... Listen, here's what I think......
I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we *embrace*, what we create... and who we include.
Père Henri:
I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to speak of the miracle of Our Lord's divine transformation? Not really, no. I don't want to talk about His divinity.
I'd rather talk about His humanity. I mean, you know, how He lived His life, here on Earth. His *kindness*, His *tolerance*... Listen, here's what I think......
I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we *embrace*, what we create... and who we include.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Kat's Mother's Day 2009
I had a great mother's day this year. I was able to spend time with my son Chris, my daughter Meagan, my grandson Sebastain and my grand daughter Addison.
Sebastain's mom, Brandy was sweet enough to let me have Sebastain all weekend, giving up a mother's day with her son so I could have my sweet grandson all weekend. I love spending time with him. He's just the perfect kid, does everything I ask, he's respectful, funny, fun and has WAAAY too much energy.
He saved up all his money and bought himself a Wii game system. He's 8 years old and he was able to save $250 dollars for a Wii. I am so impressed with him. I know adults who can't save $5, but this young man has the foresight and self control to save to buy something he wants. He's got a great teaching mother as well.
He brings his Wii with him every time he comes and we go back and forth between his Wii and my XBox. I like Wii sports the best. I can play other games, but I have absolutely no chance to win at any of them. I suck at them. He's really good at them, but I suck more, and Wii sports is are the only games I have any chance of winning at all. But it's about being with him and having fun, and we do, but.....I still like to win every once in a while.
Chris seems to forget days like mothers day....or birthdays ....or anniversaries. He means well, he just has a really bad memory. His gift to me was to pick Meagan up from across town and then take her home at the end of the day. It was a great mothers day gift! Especially since I'm unemployed, money for gas is harder to come by. I love my son so much, he's so tender and kind and easy going and very handsome. I also love his sense of humor. I've enjoyed seeing the changes in him as a man and a father since Addison's come into the world. Thank you Chris for a great mothers day! I love you.
Meagan was sweet enough to treat Sebastain and myself to a movie on her. We all went to see Monsters vs. Aliens. I loved it. Meagan, Sebastain and I all love going to the movies. It was in 3D and Sebastain and I particularly enjoyed things jumping out of the screen at us. Some of the 3D effects made me a little nauseous. I felt as though I was riding a roller coaster, but that was part of the fun.
Addison is always a joy to be around. She has a joyfullness about her that I can't get enough of. I took Addison and Sebastain to a Special Olympics regional swim meet. I packed a lunch, some snacks and drinks thinking that we could stay for awhile and watch the athletes. Addison had other plans. The minute we got there she tried relentlessly to get into the water. She loves the pool here at home and it was all I could do sit for a minute without her darting for the water. I think we were there all of 20 minutes before I decided we should go before Addison got her way and took a dive into the water. We left and went to the park instead and her cousin Sebastain loved playing with her and showing her how to play on all the equipment. They are both so special to me. I'm not sure I could have had a better mothers day gift from any of my children or grand children. I'm very blessed.
This is spanky, my cat by default. He's really Chris's cat he found in a tree one night. He named him spanky after his brother Adam. "Spanky" was Adams nickname when he wrestled in high school. We found spanky around Adams birthday, so we gave him Adams birthday as well. At first I wasn't really excited about having him. He sheds, I have to clean his cat box, he whines at night and thinks he has to sleep with me under the covers right by my face. I've come to enjoy him and even look forward to him. Mothers day morning he was up in the window and had his tongue out. He stayed that way for awhile.......it made me laugh and was a good way to start the day.
Sebastain is really good with Addison, and she loves it when he comes to visit. Addison looks at him adoringly and Sebastain looks after her like she was his little sister, Nennie. I think Sebastain has a soft spot for girls. He's a caregiver for sure. He likes to have a purpose and is very unselfish. Addison hangs on him and sits right next to him whenever she can.
Meagan is great at entertaining Sebastain. I think she's telling Sebastain some tall tale and from the look on his face, he's not sure if he should believe her or not..........smart boy.
Sebastain is playing toss with his Uncle Chris. He loves Chris so much and everytime he's over, he has to go over to Chris's house pretty quick or I don't hear the end of it. Since Adam isn't here, Chris is the closest thing to his Daddy Adam he will ever have.
(Addison)..................." uuuuuhhh......another picture"!!
The two pretty girls. My babies......Thursday, April 9, 2009
Family Pictures and Links
My grandpa Everett Haselden. I love him so much. He was a character. He was crusty on the outside and a marshmellow (at least to me) on the inside. I don't think he could get through a sentence without a curse word, but even as a kid, I didn't think anything of it.....it just seemed to be a part of who he was and he didn't mean anything by it. I can tell where my dad got his good looks.Here are some more pics from the Haselden Family Website.
My brother Kirk created and maintains the website. It a great source for family connections, history, folklore and to veiw our crest as well as find and communicate with family members all over the world.
Kirk then......
Kirk now...........
Me then.......
My now pic is on the blog to the side, but here is one of me blond. I tend to go back and forth between the seasons. Darker in fall and winter and blonder in spring and summer. I get bored easily.
Here are some pictures of my grandpa haselden, parents, myself and kids. I hate taking pictures and always have, so pictures of me are hard to find.
Mom and dad......
Us six kids........then. The line up is (from left, oldest to youngest) Becky, Leah, Luann, David, Me, Kirk.
Us six kids now. Well, maybe not so now.....I think this was taken in the 80's but this is the last picture taken of all of us together. The line up is (from left, youngest to oldest) Kirk, me (what was I wearing!!) David, Luann, Leah and Becky.
Well, I was updating this post with more pics and I ran across this one of all of us, sans David. He lives in Florence, SC. and couldn't make it up to Kansas for this. I sure miss him. This picture was taken a couple of years ago on Kirks birthday.
My Mom with my granddaughter Addison. Mom is a wonderful, strong, tenacious woman with a great faith in God. She taught me through example how faith will get you through anything. She is a very small framed woman, but huge in determination. Once she sets her mind to something, there's no stopping her. I have some of that in me, thanks mom.
My son Chris on the right, grand daughter Addison in the middle, and Chris's fiance Angela opening presents at Addison's one year birthday party. She has daddy wrapped around her pinkie already. He's a great father and I am so proud of him and despite the lack of the presence of his father in his life, he has become a great dad and on his way to becoming a great man. I love that I have so much family around and can be a part of their lives. It's such a gift.
This is my dad James Wayne Haselden with my daughter Meagan Spackman. My dad is the kindest, sweetest most loving men I will ever know. He taught me compassion and what it means to have a sense of humor to get you through the rough times. That was an invaluable gift.This picture was taken about a year after her accident in 2002. I am so proud of all the progress Meagan has made. I love her so much.
My Brothers Opinion / My Opinion
This is an exerpt from my dear brothers blog which I read often. His is the first entry and mine is the response (2nd entry).
I admire him so much and think all men should be like my brother. I would love to find a man as kind, intelligent, gentle, spritual, loving, handsome, a great father and husband and brother who is highly motivated, accomplished and he even has a wonderful sense of humor. I think he broke the mold.....
A day in the life...
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Paradoxical Observation :
Tatoos everywhere
I'm in San Francisco for a conference and just got back from going out to dinner. I went to a Chevy's right down from my hotel. San Francisco is such an enchanting place this time of the year. The fog is hanging low and my hotel room on the 5th floor is right at the fog line. In the mornings it's at street level. It's also a bit chilly right now, just perfect for me. Probably in the 50 degree F range. So, I'm quite comfortable walking around with my usual shorts and polo shirt. Stopping at a street crossing, a gal came walking up from a different direction all bundled up with a scarf around her neck and a knee length coat on. I chuckled cuz she was so bundled up. There's steem coming up out of the manholes because of the difference in temperatures above ground vs. in the mantunnels, I guess. As we were standing there a slight breeze wafted the steam coming out of the manhole in our direction. The lady standing next to me started waving her hand around her face as if to avoid the steam like you would camp fire smoke. I'm normally pretty sensitive to smells etc. but was unaffected by it and wondered why she was being so melodramatic about a little bit of steam. Then I started thinking, maybe she's really ultra health conscious or something. Maybe she's just trying to avoid getting sick, or maybe she's like the divas get upset anytime someone so much as coughs around them. Either way, I thought how concerned she seemed for her health. Then as the walk light turned green, I happened to glance down at her stylish jack boots and noticed a tatoo running basically from her angle to her knee on the outside of her left leg.Later while in the restaurant, I overheard two college girls talking about where one of them should get a tatoo. The one said, "You should get it on the back of your neck. That way nobody will see it. Unless you hack off all your hair or something." Now, that confuses me. Why get a tatoo if you're going to try to hide it? They discussed other locations as well, like around her belly button and a few unmentinable locations. That's about the time I tuned out and started watching the kids on the other side of my table who had multiple piercings, multiple shades of purple, neon yellow and blue hair. Oh, and yes, they had tatoos as well...There's so much about this world that I really don't understand...
posted by Kirk at 9:17 PM
1 Comments:
Kat Chrisman said...
(I got a giggle out of this one)....Here's why:
I have a tiny,tiny tattoo on the small of my back, probably no bigger than a half inch in diameter. One pink heart with a smaller red heart off set inside the pink one. The pink heart is for Adam and the red heart is for Bret,(two sons who passed). They are, for me, symbolic and personl.I have my navel pierced also; I wear a small diamond inside,like an earring for my belly, very pretty and feminine. It doesn't seem a lot different to me than ear piercing....(makes me keep my tummy in shape too)!These things were done later in life with much contemplation, and I must admit-I love them and I'm happy I did it. It was difficult for me, however, to do something that society still has such a stigma about. I've always been one to worry so much about what others thought of me.Having revealed all this-I have to admit-I'm not a big fan of gaudy tattos in very conspicuous places on the body and facial piercing. I guess maybe I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Then again I don't understand why anyone would paint their house neon yellow or hot pink, or drive a truck jacked up 8 feet in the air, or a barbell mustache......or, well............I could go on and on.............beauty is in the eye of the beholder.........self expression and all that jazz.........some people love their self expression so much that they want to share it and say to the world "this pink house is who I am, not the neighbor next door whose house looks like two hundred other houses, and my mustache is the same kind that my great, great grandfather sported and he was a great, great man that I admired, or the huge tattoo on my breast of a flowering rose bud is symbolic of my coming into my own and taking charge of my life after surviving breast cancer."I actually asked them - why did she paint her house pink, and why the barbell mustache, and "pretty rose, but why on the chest?" Those were the answers that I got. My thought was, "how brave."I'm with a lot of folks in my generation that don't understand rap, pants that bag down below knees (looks like they're wearing a diaper with a heavy load), or lip piercing that make a person look like Frankenstein's long lost cousin. I will never paint my house pink, put a lift kit on any vehicle, mustache myself in any way (maybe my body will have a different opinion on this one). But with age and my own self evolution, independance and voyage into self expression, I've softened my view.
Love,
your sisterKat Chrisman
8:53 AM
Post a Comment
This is an exerpt from my dear brothers blog which I read often. His is the first entry and mine is the response (2nd entry).
I admire him so much and think all men should be like my brother. I would love to find a man as kind, intelligent, gentle, spritual, loving, handsome, a great father and husband and brother who is highly motivated, accomplished and he even has a wonderful sense of humor. I think he broke the mold.....
A day in the life...
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Paradoxical Observation :
Tatoos everywhere
I'm in San Francisco for a conference and just got back from going out to dinner. I went to a Chevy's right down from my hotel. San Francisco is such an enchanting place this time of the year. The fog is hanging low and my hotel room on the 5th floor is right at the fog line. In the mornings it's at street level. It's also a bit chilly right now, just perfect for me. Probably in the 50 degree F range. So, I'm quite comfortable walking around with my usual shorts and polo shirt. Stopping at a street crossing, a gal came walking up from a different direction all bundled up with a scarf around her neck and a knee length coat on. I chuckled cuz she was so bundled up. There's steem coming up out of the manholes because of the difference in temperatures above ground vs. in the mantunnels, I guess. As we were standing there a slight breeze wafted the steam coming out of the manhole in our direction. The lady standing next to me started waving her hand around her face as if to avoid the steam like you would camp fire smoke. I'm normally pretty sensitive to smells etc. but was unaffected by it and wondered why she was being so melodramatic about a little bit of steam. Then I started thinking, maybe she's really ultra health conscious or something. Maybe she's just trying to avoid getting sick, or maybe she's like the divas get upset anytime someone so much as coughs around them. Either way, I thought how concerned she seemed for her health. Then as the walk light turned green, I happened to glance down at her stylish jack boots and noticed a tatoo running basically from her angle to her knee on the outside of her left leg.Later while in the restaurant, I overheard two college girls talking about where one of them should get a tatoo. The one said, "You should get it on the back of your neck. That way nobody will see it. Unless you hack off all your hair or something." Now, that confuses me. Why get a tatoo if you're going to try to hide it? They discussed other locations as well, like around her belly button and a few unmentinable locations. That's about the time I tuned out and started watching the kids on the other side of my table who had multiple piercings, multiple shades of purple, neon yellow and blue hair. Oh, and yes, they had tatoos as well...There's so much about this world that I really don't understand...
posted by Kirk at 9:17 PM
1 Comments:
Kat Chrisman said...
(I got a giggle out of this one)....Here's why:
I have a tiny,tiny tattoo on the small of my back, probably no bigger than a half inch in diameter. One pink heart with a smaller red heart off set inside the pink one. The pink heart is for Adam and the red heart is for Bret,(two sons who passed). They are, for me, symbolic and personl.I have my navel pierced also; I wear a small diamond inside,like an earring for my belly, very pretty and feminine. It doesn't seem a lot different to me than ear piercing....(makes me keep my tummy in shape too)!These things were done later in life with much contemplation, and I must admit-I love them and I'm happy I did it. It was difficult for me, however, to do something that society still has such a stigma about. I've always been one to worry so much about what others thought of me.Having revealed all this-I have to admit-I'm not a big fan of gaudy tattos in very conspicuous places on the body and facial piercing. I guess maybe I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Then again I don't understand why anyone would paint their house neon yellow or hot pink, or drive a truck jacked up 8 feet in the air, or a barbell mustache......or, well............I could go on and on.............beauty is in the eye of the beholder.........self expression and all that jazz.........some people love their self expression so much that they want to share it and say to the world "this pink house is who I am, not the neighbor next door whose house looks like two hundred other houses, and my mustache is the same kind that my great, great grandfather sported and he was a great, great man that I admired, or the huge tattoo on my breast of a flowering rose bud is symbolic of my coming into my own and taking charge of my life after surviving breast cancer."I actually asked them - why did she paint her house pink, and why the barbell mustache, and "pretty rose, but why on the chest?" Those were the answers that I got. My thought was, "how brave."I'm with a lot of folks in my generation that don't understand rap, pants that bag down below knees (looks like they're wearing a diaper with a heavy load), or lip piercing that make a person look like Frankenstein's long lost cousin. I will never paint my house pink, put a lift kit on any vehicle, mustache myself in any way (maybe my body will have a different opinion on this one). But with age and my own self evolution, independance and voyage into self expression, I've softened my view.
Love,
your sisterKat Chrisman
8:53 AM
Post a Comment
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